This is part of MAGNETISM Extras (Part 4)
Marching To Your Own Drum
The problem with marching to your own drumbeat is that it is, by definition, out of synch with everyone else’s.
The pilot episode of The Newsroom (HBO) begins with famed news anchor Will McAvoy doing something shocking, controversial and to some, utterly unthinkable: being honest and unfiltered.
He then goes on to do something even more absurd… he completely transforms the entire news channel almost overnight, much to the outrage of superiors and biz partners of the news network.
The transformation? Perhaps the most outrageous thing of all… He started to actually report the news.
He and his team stopped caring about ratings. Stopped caring about external influences. Stopped caring about what the other news networks were up to. Even stopped caring about what viewers thought. They had one objective and one objective only: Report the news. The straight-up facts, no more, no less. Crazy, huh?
The felt they had a moral obligation to the public to keep them informed of what is really going on. Where other media channels would grossly exaggerate the facts and report terror threats because a muslim was speeding, spreading fear to drive up the numbers.
I don’t care much for moral obligations. I could give a shit, to be honest. I don’t watch the news.
But anyone with the balls to step up, break away from the herd and march to their own drumbeat deserves my respect. That’s what bravery is to me.
I don’t care why you do it or how misguided your intentions may be… everyone is misguided and there’s no use trying to fix it… but if you do something because you feel it’s the right thing to be done, then I respect that.
Not sure why anyone would want my respect or anyone else’s though, just tellin’ it how I feel it. (If you need anyone else’s respect to feel good about your life, then you’ll never have your own. And vice versa – if you don’t respect yourself, you’ll never gain anyone else’s. Acting through your own intentions, and not those of the world around you, is a clear way to demonstrate self-respect… which, I guess, is my point. Phew, this got messy. I should probably delete this paragraph entirely. Oh well.)
On Being Unfiltered
When it comes to being magnetic to others, I talk a lot about being unfiltered.
When most people are in a conversation, there’s a giant filter between them and the other person. It filters out everything your brain thinks you’re not allowed to say.
Crude example: Man sees woman. Lizard brain fires off instant response – “Wow, nice tits.”
Brain says “Oh, no, God no! That’s inappropriate.”
This all happens in an instant. That’s your filter at work.
There’s a spider on my wall as I’m typing this, and it’s slowly crawling along headed towards me. I think there’s something visceral about spiders that invoke a kind of primal fear. They always catch your attention, as, say, an ant wouldn’t necessarily do.
See? That’s me being unfiltered in writing. The spider caught my attention, disrupted my train of thought. And it came out unfiltered.
Now, telling someone they have nice tits, or randomly typing anything that pops into your mind… may or may not be appropriate… but that isn’t the point.
The point is… Someone who is truly magnetic is also centered within himself. He doesn’t rely on his external environment to make him feel good about himself.
Which, in turn, means that he could very well tell someone that she (he?) has nice tits, even if it isn’t appropriate, and even if it doesn’t necessarily serve him in that moment. He simply doesn’t care.
Here’s another interesting thing you may not have caught in my book. It’s kind of like the “This shirt works!” phenomenon, but more subtle.
Most people think you can’t say things like that. Complimenting someone on their body (only obnoxious and drunk douchebags do that, right?) or just plain saying whatever comes to mind without stopping to think in between. You have to care about what the other person thinks, right?
No. In the vast majority of situations, your reaction is more important than what you actually said.
Let me explain. To extend the example above…
A man says to a woman “Nice tits.”
Her jaw drops. She looks astounded, shocked. No one says things like that (even though she knows she has nice tits). Then she starts scrutinizing the man closely. Not a romantic type look. Just plain staring into his eyes. She’s looking for something. A chink in the armor. A quiver, a flicker in his eyes.
If she sees it… she’ll get upset. Freak out and have security throw him out.
If she doesn’t see it. If his eyes and his whole behavior remains congruent… if there are no chinks in the armor… she’ll be attracted. She’ll see that he actually doesn’t care. She’ll instinctively understand that he said it because it was his genuine expression – not that he was saying it to get a reaction.
The reason buying drinks for women doesn’t work for most men, and why giving “nice” compliments to women doesn’t work for most men… is because they are doing it to get a reaction from the woman. Not because it’s an authentic expression of themselves. This is what your mom really meant when she said “Just be yourself.” A more practical advice might be “Be yourself and refuse to care about what others may or may not think.”
Whatever you say, your reaction to their reaction (if that makes sense) is MORE important than what you actually said.
What being unfiltered looks like
This is a video of Amy Walker. An incredible actress and singer.
Ironically, she’s demonstrating different roles. Acting, which most think means you put on a mask and pretend to be someone else.
I don’t think so, and I think you’ll see that for yourself.
Really good actors don’t pretend to be their characters… they BECOME their characters.
Pay attention especially towards the end when she just talks normally to the camera. It’s real and authentic and you immediately like her. She’s magnetic.
She’s so real most people would be intimidated, yet intrigued, by her.
You can get to a point like that through lots of practice. If you haven’t yet, do the exercise in the first chapter of the book. It’s hard and emotionally difficult. It’s designed to be. It gradually pushes you out of your comfort zone, until it ultimately redefines your comfort zone. A lot of the book can be thought of as redefining your comfort zone.
Anyway, watch the video. Enjoy.